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namaste from an open field…

January 8, 2008

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my soul salutes your soul.

I feel like blogging a big open field…but I can’t really convey that kind of spiritual and mental and physical openness here…  I’m annoyed with the format of my blog as is, right now.  I want it wider, and I want my custom image header too.  And, it would be nice if it looked cohesive.  I need width, I need space between my fingers, toes, inside my ribcage, around my heart, in my head…space, space, space!

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I am currently experiencing something I like to call “Jello State of Being.”  I just did some intense yoga, I’m drinking organic seven spices chai tea from my blue mug, I spent some time today on a mixed-media painting, wrote a chunk of research paper, revised, ordered, and titled a collection of poems for a portfolio, went to JoAnn fabrics and picked out vintage-wallpaper-inspired fin-de-siecle black and gold fabric, to cover a throw pillow with…and I am empty.  

Empty in a delicious, expansive, growing sort of way.  Rather than empty in the way that depression makes you feel empty.  Empty–as if the hundreds of millions of anxiety-termites have been lulled to sleep, and no longer eat away at the foundations of my sanity.  

I have been an avid reader of buddhist-inspired philosophy for years, now.  I adore the late Alan Watts (especially The Wisdom of Insecurity), and have recently discovered Pema Chodron, and her book When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.  I keep returning to these books, and dozens of others, for access to the vocabulary of peace.  Learning an Eastern practice of meditation, letting go, mindfulness, discipline, serenity, non-attachment, release of desires…it is like learning to walk on your hands, for Westerners…and, particularly for Americans, I think.  I know that I am not alone as a hyper-neurotic, paranoid, panic-driven, depressed, stressed, and tired product of the American dream.  We are a nation chasing money, and neglecting our bodies and souls en masse.  This is profoundly disturbing, and profoundly sad.  It is a psychological, spiritual, physical crisis of immense proportions.  (no pun intended.)

Somehow, though, reading these books to understand intellectually what zen spiritualism is about was a good gateway for me.  I am a go-getter, a real nerd.  And I needed to read this stuff, I needed to get it.  But, practicing is different.  

Practicing meditation and yoga…a physical regimen, puts you in contact with the resonant vibration of the universe, to which you are essential, inseparable, even responsible for… Through bodily discipline it grants you the feeling of vibration, of being an open field…of peace.

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