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Mind in Motion

June 26, 2006

I need a little direction.
I never thought I would say that, but I do.
I have a life plan, don’t get me wrong. I need direction for “like” tomorrow…and the next day.
Until then, I am taking one “happy pill”, and at least one “chill pill” a day (my loving euphamisms for the brain-chemistry-redesigners “they” have me on). I think the pills give me brief moments of contentment. But, I am a clinger, and as such, a ruiner of contented moments. So it is difficult for me to recognize contentment when it comes. What do I mean? As soon as I experience something resembling “safety” or “comfort”…I cling, I attach, I try to stop time in its tracks and….poof.
Contentment erased.
Anxiety replaced.
Hence, the pills.

Better than the pills, I think, would be a dose of Buddhism. I am trying. I have been trying for about 6 months, off and on, to redesign my inner monologue, to ingest the tenets of Buddhism. Resistance to change, clinging, desire…is suffering, is dukkha. And there is no Self and Other. I made them up. And so did you. The concept of nonself, that’s a doozy. And karma…the law of causeality. I am trying. I am trying. I am trying.

This post sucketh. I am publishing it anyway. Mind in motion, afterall, is what it’s about.

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